US President Donald Trump, y’all know the guy with the funny hair, just signed this fancy-schmancy executive order for a self-deportation program. He’s all like, “Hey, all you illegal aliens, I’ll hook you up with a free flight outta here, no questions asked!” Like, seriously, he’s offering free flights to “anywhere you want.” Can you believe it?
In a video he posted on X, which used to be Twitter, Mr. Trump made it sound like this was the first time anyone has ever come up with the idea of self-deportation. He’s all proud of himself for making it “as easy as possible” for illegal aliens to leave America. But hey, if you decide to stay, get ready for some serious consequences like jail time, hefty fines, losing all your stuff, and even getting kicked out of the country without warning.
According to Mr. Trump, all you gotta do is show up at an airport and bam! Free flight outta here. They even have this new app called CBP Home (that’s CBP Home, in case you missed it) where you can book a flight to any country except the good ol’ US of A. You can go wherever you want as long as it’s not here, apparently. And if you do decide to leave, there’s even a bonus waiting for you. Yeah, that’s right, a bonus for self-deporting. Can you believe it?
But wait, there’s more! If you choose to stick around, you’re in for a world of hurt. Mr. Trump is not messing around when he says you’ll face jail time, fines that’ll make your head spin, losing all your stuff, having your wages taken away, and of course, getting deported at a moment’s notice, wherever and however he sees fit. Yikes, that’s pretty harsh, don’t you think?
In his closing statement, Mr. Trump basically tells all the illegal aliens to book their flights ASAP. He’s like, “We want you outta here, but if you play nice, we might just let you back in.” Not really sure why anyone would want to come back after all that, but hey, to each their own, right?
So, there you have it, folks. If you’re living in the US illegally, you better start packing your bags or else you might find yourself in some serious trouble. And remember, if you do decide to leave, make sure to grab that self-deportation bonus on your way out. Happy travels!
